Zoned Out
by Narcolus
Summary: Another little story I moved here. This story is technically just about my character, Joseph Arzt, taking a little vacation after taking none for seventeen years. He decides to start drinking, since he never has before, and ends up meeting two men by the names of Edwin Bosworth and Levi Puissant. Very short and unfinished, by the way.


It was late on a Friday night, and Joseph had just gotten out of work (as a surgeon at a local hospital), now heading to his car, and was planning to just go straight home after a long day's worth of work. Although glad that his work was finally over, he remembered that he had a whole _three weeks_ of vacation ahead of him; it was a little treat his boss had given him after working his damn ass off. He had wanted a break, but he had been so caught up in the very _idea_ of a break (he hasn't had one in _years_ ) that he didn't even figure out what he would _do_ during that said break.

Once he got back in his car, he inserted the key in the ignition and started the engine. As he placed his hands on the steering wheel, he suddenly froze in his spot.

What was he going to do during his vacation?

He sat back and thought about the possibilities.

The very first one that came to mind was spending time with Evan, his son. Evan, being busy with school and clubs, couldn't really find the time to do much with his father. It was the same with Joseph; he had so much work to do every day that it was hard to even kiss his son goodbye.

Joseph smiled, beginning to back out of the parking lot.

Suddenly, another possibility came to mind.

He could try drinking.

Joseph had never even considered getting drunk before because he thought he was more responsible than that, and he was. It's just that the thought had never occurred to him that much. It wasn't like he was dying to try it out, but...

"No," he said to himself, waving his hand around. "I can't."

 _Yes,_ his inner voice suddenly blurted, you can. _It's not like you're physically unable to pick up a beer bottle and start chugging it, right?_

"But... I don't want Evan t-..." Joseph trailed off.

Evan hated when Joseph would do things like this without telling or notifying him first. Evan cared for his father so much, especially because he was a surgeon, and surgeons get paid so much. Therefore, their risk of getting burglarized or mugged shot through the roof.

"Besides," Joseph suddenly said, "I'd get hooked, wouldn't I?"

 _That's not how it works. Alcohol isn't addictive._

"No, yes, it is."

 _... oh, come on. Let's be honest; you don't get addicted_ that _easily, don't you?_

"It really depends on what it is."

 _This isn't like smoking, Joseph._

"It's still addictive."

 _Joseph, come on. Think about it._

Joseph sat still in silence before saying, "No, it sounds like a bad idea."

Joseph began to pull out of the parking lot as his inner voice continuously protested.

 _You could have the time of your life,_ it said. _Many things could happen! You could even meet someone who could replace-_

"No!" Joseph cried, suddenly slamming his foot on the brakes. "Nobody could replace my Angela!"

As his car skidded to a stop, his breathing did not.

His breathing increased at the remark that _he himself,_ he realized, made.

Angela Arzt; Evan's mother, and Joseph's wife.

Joseph would give so much just to be able to see her again.

Angela passed away three years ago by an unidentifiable disease. Even if she was... gone... Joseph would never replace her, no matter what.

Joseph's shaking foot slowly applied pressure to the accelerator as his car slowly began to inch forward and out onto the street. He didn't know what compelled him to continue to drive towards the bar, but he did it anyway.

As much as he loved Angela, he hated to remember her. Remembering her just made him so... depressed.

His inner voice used this fact to its advantage.

 _Maybe the beer will make you forget,_ it said.

The nearest bar (and Joseph only knew this because his co-workers went here a lot) to the hospital was a bar called The Galleon's Pallet, which was known for having the beer with the highest alcohol by volume.

"Maybe," Joseph murmured. "Maybe."

He gripped the steering wheel tighter as he put even more pressure on the accelerator. The car sputtered forwards as he eventually pulled into The Galleon's Pallet parking lot. Once he parked his car, he slowly opened the driver's door and stepped out onto the asphalt, shutting the door behind him then locking his car. He made his way towards The Galleon's Pallet.

When he was close enough, he slowly pushed on the door to the bar, allowing himself to slip inside. Instantly, the sound of laughter slaughtered his ears. He recoiled a little bit, flinching and shaking his head, looking for the source of that obnoxious laughter. The source was a group of three middle-aged men, laughing their cares away, visibly drunk.

Suddenly, Joseph was lightly pushed forward. He turned around and saw another man from behind him. "If you were wondering," the man said, "yes; that's what beer does to you. I've witnessed it a thousand times before, so you can trust me on that one."

Stunned, Joseph stayed silent.

The man blinked, waiting for a response. When he didn't receive one, he gasped quietly. "Ah, I apologize," he whispered. "That was rather rude of me to intrude your thoughts there."

"Well, no," Joseph responded, "it's not you. It's just... it's me."

"Ah." The man nodded his head, then extended his hand out towards Joseph. "I'm Edwin. Edwin Bosworth. You are?"

The man, now identified as Edwin, smiled at Joseph. Joseph smiled back then gripped Edwin's hand. They shook hands as Joseph said, "I'm Joseph Arzt."

The two of them sat on two stools near the home bar as they started up a friendly conversation. "The appearance of this bar is beautiful if I do say so myself," Edwin said.

"It is," Joseph agreed.

The color scheme for this bar appeared to be orange and brown. The chairs; orange and brown, the floor; orange and brown, the walls and ceiling; orange and brown. The colors didn't bother Joseph nor Edwin, but they were quite repetitive.

Almost instantly, right when Joseph complied with Edwin's comment, the bartender came shuffling over towards them. The bartender leaned over the smooth, dark, and wooden brown table, then said, "What can I get for you two?"

Joseph looked over at Edwin.

Edwin looked over at Joseph.

The two men instantly looked back over to the bartender, laughing nervously. Joseph glanced over at the menu behind him and after a little over of ten seconds, his jaw dropped.

"That's, um," Joseph stammered, "a large selection you have."

Edwin took a gander at the menu for himself and almost toppled over in shock. The bartender chuckled to himself, looking down at the shiny wooden table. "That's how everyone reacts when they come here for the first time, actually," he said.

"I... I haven't really done anything like this before," Edwin sputtered, "so excuse me, please."

Joseph put his hands up. "Me neither," he said.

The bartender laughed. "Beginners, eh?" he said. He held his hand out. "Levi Puissant, pleased to meet you two."

Joseph cocked his eyebrow. "No name-tags?" he asked.

Levi clicked his tongue. "Eh, 'parently they couldn't give me one. Doesn't matter to me, honestly. I don't think people need to know my name."

"In particular circumstances, they might have to," Edwin murmured, scanning the menu behind Levi.

Joseph reached over and shook Levi's hand. "Joseph Arzt," he said.

Levi turned towards Edwin and extended his hand out once more. When Edwin's eyes turned to Levi, he jumped and gasped. "Oh, dear," he sighed, "I apologize. I was zoning out."

"In other words," Levi said, "gawking at the menu behind me?"

Edwin gulped and slowly nodded his head. Levi chuckled once more. Edwin reached out and shook Levi's hand, introducing himself as Joseph's eyes thoroughly scanned the large menu. He thought of which ones to choose in his head.

Absinthe was one of the more stronger beers. He didn't really want to burn a hole in his throat; he'd do that later when he was more comfortable with this whole "drinking" thing.

Everclear was a beer that Joseph would also try later since he heard that it was the second strongest  
alcohol to ever be produced. Not good for his throat, either.

Balkan felt like a big no to him, because he's read many reports of people dying after drinking too much  
of the stuff in one go.

Cocoroco, Centerbe, Scotch, Poitín, Oghi, where the hell are the weak ones? Joseph thought, his impatience growing.

"Hey," a voice suddenly said. "You there, Joseph?"

His eyes suddenly focused on a hand snapping its fingers right in front of him. "O-oh," Joseph blurted, leaning back on the stool. "Sorry, it's the menu."

"Well," Levi said, "I can get you something to start with."

"Alright then," Joseph said.

Edwin nodded in agreement.

Levi, being the asshole that he is, turned around and pulled out a bottle of Snake Venom from one of the many beer holders behind him. Luckily, Joseph and Edwin couldn't see the words etched on the front of the bottle:

 **WORLD'S STRONGEST BEER**

Grabbing two shot glasses from a large shot glass rack, Levi popped the lid of the bottle open then began pouring the Snake Venom into the shot glasses, but stopped halfway through the first one. He turned his head towards the two men behind him and said, "I'm assuming you two haven't taken shots before?"

Edwin and Joseph looked at each other before turning their gazes back to Levi and shaking their heads. "Fair enough," Levi muttered, turning his head back in front of him and pouring the shot glasses halfway to their limit.

Levi swiftly spun around and placed the shot glasses down on the counter, then clicked his tongue. "Good luck with that, gentleman," he cackled.

"What?" Joseph and Edwin said, simultaneously.

Levi coughed awkwardly and turned his head the other way. "Nothing," he said in a normal tone.

"Alright," Joseph mumbled as he and Edwin picked up the shot glasses, forgetting to ask what Levi had just given them.

They clinked their glasses together and drank the Snake Venom.

And instantly regretted it.

" _Motherfucker!_ " Joseph cried, slamming his fist on the counter and shaking violently.

Edwin screamed, but covered his mouth seconds right after he let it out.

As the two middle-aged men tried desperately to cope with the strength of the beer, their bartender stood, laughing his ass off behind the counter. The other people in the bar sat in silence as they watched Joseph and Edwin have minor spasms as Levi leaned against the counter, laughing like a crazed hyena.

" _Fuck you, dammit!_ " Edwin shouted.

"Come on, you two," Levi giggled, "it ain't _that_ bad, now is it?"

Edwin and Joseph, being new to drinking, couldn't stand something as strong as Snake Venom, even on the first shot.

"Want another?" Levi asked, half-joking.

" _NO!_ " Joseph and Edwin shrieked.

"Oh, don't be _babies,_ " Levi teased.

"This is our first time, you _asshole!_ " Joseph yelled, almost in a half-shriek.

"That's what she said," Levi murmured with a chuckle.

Joseph and Edwin groaned as Levi laughed some more. "Watch," he said.

Levi waited until Joseph and Edwin's eyes were fixed on him. Then, he grabbed the bottle of Snake Venom he used to pour Joseph and Edwin's glasses. He looked back up at Joseph and Edwin, then pointed at the bottle with his free hand. "See this?" he asked.

Slowly, Joseph and Edwin nodded.

With a smug-ass grin, Levi tilted his head back and downed the entire bottle in just a few gulps.

" _God damn,_ " Edwin shouted, almost sounding angry.

Joseph let out a wolf whistle as Levi took the bottle away from his mouth with a refreshing-sounding, "Ahh, delicious."

"How do you find something like that _delicious?_ " Edwin asked, astounded.

"Trained myself about forty times," Levi responded. "Almost burned a fuckin' hole in my throat. First time I tried it, my brain reacted like a turtle's head being touched and I could feel my inner voice yelling at me. And by feel, I mean my head was _ringing_ with the sound of my own instability. It actually tastes _real_ good now, surprisingly, now that I know how to tame the burn."

"I know _I'll_ never be able to tame it," Edwin murmured. "Can I have some water?"

"Alright," Levi muttered. Right as he turned around to grab a silver canister filled with water, he grunted, "Pussy."

Joseph snorted. "Gonna take that, blondie?" Joseph said, nudging Edwin with his elbow.

Edwin looked at Joseph with a shocked expression. His eyes, though, darted over towards Levi, who was pouring the water from the silver canister into a large, glass cup. Levi's eyes were fixed on the water coming out of the canister. Once he examined Levi, his eyes ran back over towards Joseph, who was still staring at him with the same smug-ass grin that Levi wore a few seconds ago. Growling, Edwin turned back towards Levi and said, "Wait."

Levi's gaze switched from the clear water to Edwin's sapphire-colored eyes. Right when his gaze went away from the water, he flicked the silver canister back upward so that it wouldn't pour any more water into the cup. "Yeah?" he said.

Edwin looked back over at Joseph for reassurance, and when Joseph nodded, he sighed and looked back at Levi. "Do you have any beers that are naturally mixed with water as well? So that... um... you know, the water you just poured doesn't go to waste."

Levi cocked an eyebrow. "Grew some balls, 'uh?" he said.

"I... uh..." Edwin trailed off, not knowing how to respond to that comment.


End file.
